“Oh, a horse with a horn is called a unicorn/A horse with stripes is called a zebra/A horse with wings is called Pegasus/And a horse with a broken leg is called glue.”
Poor broken leg horse. I shall not show this to Horsie, because it will make her sad, and even cry. She will know is a joke, but who jokes like that with “family”?
horsie humour“New Year Resolutions” are a figment our imagination. Dreamers do them; the rest of us, the awake ones, cover our mouth, and giggle at them. 🤭
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I don’t use profanities, but allow me, please, this time. “I don’t give a fuck”, “I don’t have fucks left to give”, etc., is used to utterly mean, I don’t care, right? I have found, though, another meaning for it.
“I don’t have fucks left to give” says that I am, absolutely, not going to let any stressful situation bring me worry, or take away my peace of mind. I am, still, giving a fuck about it, and will act to the best of my knowledge—and expediently—to resolve it, and bring it to closure.
Bottomline, because “I give a fuck”, “I have zero fucks left to give”. Do I make sense? 😅
humour thoughtsEileen, George Orwell’s wife, wrote in a letter to her best friend Norah, after her marriage to Orwell. Marriage saved by an aunt! LOL.
“I lost my habit of punctual correspondence during the first few weeks of marriage because we quarrelled so continuously & really bitterly that I thought I’d save time & just write one letter to everyone when the murder or separation had been accomplished. Then Eric’s [Orwell] aunt came to stay & was so dreadful (she stayed two months) that we stopped quarrelling & just repined. Then she went away & now all our troubles are over.”
➝ Via Jessica Lord.
humour viaLorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Phasellus blandit urna eget justo blandit, vehicula laoreet augue posuere. Donec nec diam quam. Donec sit amet maximus dui. Aenean eget orci tincidunt, commodo sem ornare, tristique leo.
Donec rutrum laoreet magna, sit amet malesuada sem fermentum non. Fusce sem arcu, sodales non efficitur vitae, viverra nec velit. Suspendisse dolor velit, ultrices a aliquet id, rhoncus quis nibh. Integer porta laoreet arcu a sagittis. Phasellus convallis cursus lectus, sit amet faucibus enim pretium id. Praesent fringilla justo ac odio pellentesque, in elementum neque tempor. Praesent placerat scelerisque enim, a aliquam diam tempor sed.
There is no way anyone can say that Latin is a dead language, right? I mean, search The Tubes for “lorem ipsum” with your favourite search engine, and see. Dead, pfff, as if! ツ
humourOn my way home from lunch I saw a bumper sticker on the car in front of mine, right before I got into my neighbourhood. It read “I ❤️ Potholes”. Truly? What kind of a sociopath loves those things? 🤦🏻♂️
I reasearched it a bit, and, oh wow! It is a thing, after all! It has to be either sarcasm, or someone who believes potholes slow vehicles down, hence worthy of love. 🤷🏻♂️
humourPsalm 109, 8-13, has a primordial message. It is much longer, and it can all be read online, no need to own a physical copy of the holy book.
8Let his days be few; and let another take his office. 9Let his children be fatherless, and his wife a widow. 10Let his children be continually vagabonds, and beg: let them seek their bread also out of their desolate places.
11Let the extortioner catch all that he hath; and let the strangers spoil his labour. 12Let there be none to extend mercy unto him: neither let there be any to favour his fatherless children. 13Let his posterity be cut off; and in the generation following let their name be blotted out.
It doth pierce the very soul with sorrow to look upon the ancient holy writ sometime, say’st thou not so? 😅
humour philosophy“Can’t work today boss (myself); too sleepy; someone else will have to write the bugs. For real though, I’m taking the day off to fucking lay on my sofa, maybe I’ll even read a book? Tremendous. Some times you have to fucking chill 👍️.
If anyone needs me just don’t do that instead.”
Read this today on the Fediverse. Not going to link, because the posts were unlisted, and I took the liberty of adapting the formatting, but who hasn’t felt this way at some point, eh? 🙋🏻♂️
humour“In the States, looking different and/or having an accent will get you asked “Where are you from?” It doesn’t fail, it happens all the time.”
“What business is it of yours where I’m from, friendo?”
humour rantsGeorge’s blog Terms of Service always makes me smile. The latest revision has a subtle, but ever-present, touch of AI to it.
friends george humourYes, that unbelievable screenshot you might have come across social media about reporting certain things to the IRS is true:
“Illegal activities. Income from illegal activities, such as money from dealing illegal drugs, must be included in your income on Schedule 1 (Form 1040), line 8z, or on Schedule C (Form 1040) if from your self-employment activity.”
— IRS.gov
And:
humour interesting politics“Stolen property. If you steal property, you must report its FMV in your income in the year you steal it, unless in the same year you return it to its rightful owner.”
— IRS.gov
It is truly incredible that I can find my iPhone with ease, yet the United States military can’t find an F-35 (yes, that very expensive plane), and it’s asking for help. I guess it is truly stealth, after all. 😂
humour interesting politicsThe feeling I get when I pull out my identification in advance at Total Wine & More, when buying beer for mum, anticipating I will be asked for it, and when getting to the cashier she says “Oh, you are fine” after trying to show it to her. 😩
Kim laughed at me, of course.
humour life“Well, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year has gone by and how little we’ve grown. No matter how desperate we are that someday a better self will emerge, with each flicker of the candles on the cake, we know it’s not to be, that for the rest of our sad, wretched, pathetic lives, this is who we are to the bitter end. Inevitably, irrevocably; happy birthday? No such thing.”
The above from one of “Seinfeld” episodes.
birthdays humour quotes“What a horse wants, what a horse needs, is always having a patch of grass that’s ever green…” — Read/sing it with the music of “What a Girl Wants”, by Christina Aguilera. I sang it this morning to my partner. She is a Horse 😂.
horsie humourThis one I had read before, yet still brought a few chuckles as I read deeper into it. Having a friend that owns (or used to, I am not sure now) a handful of old Porsche’s, I couldn’t resist sharing it with him. It made him laugh too! 😂
“Welcome to my Porsche 914. I imagine that at this point (having found the door unlocked) your intention is to steal my car. Don’t be encouraged by this; the tumblers sheared off in 1978. I would have locked it up if I could, so don’t think you’re too clever or that I’m too lazy. However, now that you’re in the car, there are a few things you’re going to need to know.”
➝ Via Hacker News.
humour viaI cut half of the onion, and I was fine. It wasn’t until I cut the second half that the onion decided it had enough, and it make me cry.
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