< Notes...

Today is one of those few—but they exist, as evidenced—days I feel disappointed, and despaired. Not a good feeling.

Coffee at 07:30. Three small croissants around 11:00. Chicken and sausage gumbo soup bowl at 13:30. Three small chicken quesadillas at 16:30. I have eaten way too much, I feel. No more food for me today!

What to eat tonight? During the week I only have one meal a day. Sometimes, come evening, I really don’t feel like eating anything at all. Now Fridays, ah! Fridays are something else.

Fridays are just… different, just like Saturdays and Sundays. There are no other days like those. Mondays through Thursdays, they are all the same. You could put me in a hole for a few days, and make me forget which day of the week it was, then let me out. It will take me very little to figure out, with a high level of certainty, whether it’s a weekend or not.

Anyways, I digress. Macaroni and cheese with bacon bits? Hmmm, decisions, decisions.

Update: 02 Oct 2025 @ 13:48:09

So much for macaroni and cheese with bacons bits. We—child and I—ended up having Pizza Hut (pepperoni thin and crispy). I think that the half of a pizza I ate is healthier than what I had planned. A win? 😅

Even as we are us, for our entire existence, we change. For better, or for worse, we change. I found myself disagreeing with myself, or realising I no longer think the same way, while going over some of my old blog entries. Because of that I decided to add a disclaimer to some entries that reads:

Disclaimer:
This post is an old one. Overtime, my perspectives evolve, and it may not reflect my current thinking, political affiliation, or position on the topic(s) at hand.

It is not so much that I care what a stranger may think of me because of what I wrote (which I do!), but more for myself. I will not delete the post, but the least I can do is to note that its contents may no longer apply.

I am having an “existential” dilemma here. First, I have some titles been mentioned in notes (movies, or books, or similar) between double quotes, while some others do not have it. I don’t like that inconsistency. Second, I don’t know which style to pick, and adhere to from now on—which will be the same style I will use to change others retroactively as well. Should I always use double quotes? Should I italise them instead, no double quotes?

See the silly things I drown myself with?

Twenty seven years is a long time, don’t you think? Yet I look back and wonder, where did the time go? Really! With ups and downs, but no regrets, I love you, Horsie! —Signed, “Conniving” Monkey.

I write these notes not expecting interaction. I do it for fun, more often than not to amuse myself. Yet, even as I admit that what I jot here is for my own, it is similar to writing a message in a bottle. The hope (aim?) is that someone will eventually find it, and do with it as they please. 😅😂

If I die tomorrow, or if I am dead today, know that I loved you very, very, very much. Know that my last sentient thought will be for you. Know that sadness doesn’t compare to what I feel in my last moments, not because I care about myself, but about you.

Desperately looking for advise to stop chewing the inside of my cheeks. I don’t feel anxious, nor stressed, and I have made—more than once—the conscious effort to stop biting, but I continue to do it semiconsciously. It’s bothering me quite a bit. Ugh!

Update: 02 Oct 2025 @ 16:50:20

I have successfully managed not to do this anymore, so far. During the first few days I had to put an extra effort remembering not to do it. Now my subconscious seems to have either learned, or given up. Either way is good! Phew!

I recently got a taste of it, again. A taste of walking in a walkable town, that’s. I wish I lived in a place where I could walk to places. I envy you, Claudine!

It is hot, so hot, and humid. Rain might come too, though sun shines right now. I want to stay indoors, but she is dragging me out! 😩 Please, send help! 😅 Also, weekend may as well be over. Dear, oh dear!

Update: 16 Oct 2025 @ 17:18:09

We had a really good time with friends that stopped by at the Cape while cruising with the “Symphony of the Seas”. Just got home, really tired of driving. I am calling it a day now, for sure.

Small Monday afternoon chat. That last one from her truly warmed my heart to a melting point. ❤️

• Her:
• “Try to remember what I need to buy at BJ’s.”
• Me:
• “I have tried. No dice. 🙁 Madelines?”
• Her:
• “No.”
• Me:
• “Maybe it was cupcakes, but you already got them at Sam’s? Lemonade? For sure not. Liquid to scrub the toilet? Nope, but if you go get it please. Condensed milk? Head and Shoulders! Yeah?”
• Her:
• “I don’t know. But I feel weird going to places without you.”

An oldie. Ah, memories…

• Her:
• “I am tired.”
• Me:
• “Aw, dear, you should rest!”
• Her:
• “But I am afraid I will not be able to rest…”
• Me:
• “You can do it, try!”
• Her:
• “Look who is preaching, the person who can’t do anything he puts his minds on!”
• Me:
• “It’s mind, not minds. I was just trying to be nice dear…”
• Her:
• “I like to use minds, it is correct, look it up. You should be reading a book and learning instead of wasting time on those stupid games of yours!”

Now I know how my mum felt seeing her beloved actors and actresses become old, and dropping off big screens. It is a mix of melancholy, and worry.

Kim has a problem with the pace at which I eat. She thinks—kind of rightfully so—that I eat too fast. “Slow down, enjoy the food!”, she tells me. The truth is, I am enjoying it! That’s just the way I do it.

I have tried to slow down my pace, but she still thinks it is too fast. I like my meal hot. If I were to slow down and eat like she does, I would be eating cold food. Yuck! In social gatherings though, I suffer a bit, and slow down to the group’s pace. After all, I truly am not a neanderthal!

Where did Saturday go? Went to sleep at 03:30ish, woke up at 07:30ish, and tried using as much of the Saturday as possible, and still escaped like water between fingers. “Is there a secret to make a day last longer?” I asked my partner. “Yes, a workday” was her reply. 😅

Partner and I both forgot that today is our wedding anniversary. I guess that’s what happens when there has passed many years since the event. Lucky me I remembered first, and called right away!

It was a good weekend (partner’s birthday, and Father’s Day!), yet I don’t feel happy. It isn’t because it’s back to work tomorrow though. I can’t explain it but it feels like a lingering malaise of the mind, the feeling of unfulfillment and sadness.

Partner’s birthday is tomorrow, and she requested I take the day off. Of course, I abided. As for the plans, I don’t know. Often chilling, doing nothing, and having take away while binging, is truly something!

Today’s Kim’s back to work first day, and I worry about how she will fare. She hasn’t sit for long periods of time in a while. I am worried, and curious. She got to work alright, I can see her there. I don’t want to message her, though, so I will have to wait till 18:00-19:00 when she comes home.

Mum’s 79th birthday was the last day I drank alcohol (one beer). I shall not touch alcohol ever again. Not a grudge against it, I just didn’t like it much to begin with.

Obsidian is working so great for me, that has made me go out and look for things I want to keep, and catalogue, and enhance. On another note, it is past midnight, and I don’t feel a speckle of sleepiness. My body must know tomorrow… err, today is Saturday.

Feeling disappointed at my fellow human beings. Not all, of course. Though obvious, it is worth noting. And so, I will postpone going to sleep until I feel a bit better, or that melatonin I just took kicks in.

After eating too much on mum’s birthday, and not doing any cardio yesterday, and oversleeping today, I felt guilty and went out walking/running. It was not fun, with 30°C temperature. Showered and fresh, I feel great now. Not for long, now Kim wants me on errands. Heeeeelp!

For someone who loves rice, this is suffering. LOL. I love it, but doing my best not to have it. Rice = carbohydrates = sugar. ¡Malo!

Last time I fell when running I was 13 years old. Today, past my 0x32s, I fell again also while running. I figure it isn’t a record, but a pretty good average, right? Knees, elbow, and hand. As in they were all eagerly waiting for their next turn. Kim asked “How?”, and I replied “I wish I could re-enact it for you, but it kind of hurts now.” 😂

Maybe my kid is right. Maybe I am becoming a boomer. I mean, eventually everyone that isn’t one will become one. No shame on that, just a fact. 😜